(Before I begin this piece, I wish to make clear: pray for the man I am about to write about. Mock the argument, not the man.)
Apparent Catholic Jeff DeGraff, in a piece on the Huffington Post titled “The New Mass as New Coke,” blasted the new translation of the Mass and lambasted the Church hierarchy, comparing the New Translation of the Mass to New Coke (a failed 1980's product). His piece is so riddled with errors and prodigious leaps of logic that it becomes painfully funny to read.
I could list all the errors in his argument, but the list would take me all night, and faithful Catholics could spot them easily. One example from his piece will serve to show the ridiculousness of his argument: “The Church doesn’t belong to the Vatican, Cardinals, or Bishops. It belongs to the people who are capable of interpreting the tenants [sic] of the faith for themselves.”
(The Church has spent 2000 years fighting against people seeking to interpret the Faith for themselves, and She has declared them to be heretics.)
And DeGraff’s piece gets worse.
Instead of listing his obvious errors, I propose something much better. In the spirit of Catholic levity and fellowship, I propose a drinking game based on DeGraff’s post.
Gather a group of friends together who follow the teachings of the Faith and a supply of your favorite alcoholic beverage. Then read the piece, out loud. Every time someone laughs out loud, that person has to take a drink.
And make sure that there are enough designated drivers around.
The famous anti-Catholic Enlightenment polemicist Voltaire once quipped that his only prayer was “Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.” Those inside the Church who make these arguments make themselves the answers to Voltaire's prayer.